Using Self Talk
Self-talk is a key factor in our confidence level, motivation, and our ability to deal with challenges and setbacks in our practice and play. The best coach you have is the one within you and the most powerful voice you hear is your own. It’s time to think carefully about how you use it.
First, we need to distinguish between thoughts and self-talk. Thoughts happen to us – they pop into our heads and are not completely within our control. Most of our thoughts are triggered by a situation we are in or facing, and many of them are negative and not worth paying attention to. Self-talk on the other hand, is something that we “do” and is fully within our control. Most of your current self-talk is probably a reaction to negative thoughts and you say it to yourself without thinking. The effect of it is to make you feel less confident in your abilities and reinforce limiting beliefs.
In this section, I’d like to show you how to break that cycle, so you are no longer at the mercy of negative thoughts, and make your self-talk more proactive, so you choose to say things to yourself that can increase confidence, self-belief and your ability to overcome challenges. Self-talk is a skill that requires intention and practice – it cannot be left to chance.
What story do you tell yourself every day?
What we say to ourselves throughout our days and during our rounds has a big influence on how we feel, how we perform and whether we become who we want to be over time.
After his first major win, Brooks Koepka told the world he is “a big tournament player”, which could have easily backfired. However, Brooks has clearly been telling himself that he’s a big tournament player for some time and has now become that player – testament to this was 3 more major wins in 2 years.
Positive Self-talk
As with what you visualize, you will most likely live out the story you tell yourself every day. If you continually choose to tell yourself that you are on the path to becoming your best, that you have what it takes to be extraordinary and you remind yourself all the great attributes you have and the difficult things you have done, it will build confidence. Examples of this would be:
“I have what it takes to be a champion.”
“I can do this. I’ve hit all these shots before.”
“I continually show that I am mentally tough and can overcome any setback or challenge.”
“I’m a fighter. I keep pushing hard every day to achieve my dreams.”
“I am a winner.”
Negative Self-talk
Negative Self-talk usually occurs during a setback or when you are experiencing self-doubt. By turning those thoughts and feelings into negative self-talk you make them part of who you are.
Examples of negative self-talk are:
“You will never be good enough.”
“You’ll probably screw it up.”
“You should have made that putt.”
“What a dumb decision that was!”
“You’re not cut out for tournament golf.”
“You suck!”
“Here comes another bad round.”
“Why does this bad luck always happen to me?”
“You’ve lost your swing.”
“You’re in a slump.”
Step 1: Self-awareness
The first step to better self-talk is with awareness. The more aware you are of what you are thinking, the less you will turn negative thoughts into negative self-talk. As we’ve already discussed, the brain has a negative bias to protect us, but most of those negative thoughts are just noise and not worth giving further attention, definitely not verbalizing (either in your mind or out loud). By noticing negative thoughts though a mindfulness approach, we can let them pass. Through this practice, we can also change our negative thinking patterns.
If you notice negative thinking, acknowledge it, and bring yourself back to the present.
Step 2: Decide on Credible Self-talk
Self-talk has to be decided upon before you use it. Let’s start by taking a look at some of the different types of self-talk which has different functions for different situations you are in or will be facing.
Positive Affirmations
“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” – Muhammad Ali
Positive affirmations are statements that you can say to yourself which you believe to be true, that are in-line with your personal values and which inspire you and evoke positive emotion. Affirmations focus the mind on something positive, instead of self-doubt or what could go wrong. These can be written down and practiced daily, like a prayer. These should be written in the “I” form. Examples are:
“I never give up.”
“I am confident in my ability.”
“I stay focused under pressure.”
“I have the skills to play well.”
“I am so lucky to be able to play this game!”
“I play well under pressure.”
“I can stay positive throughout my round.”
“I am mentally strong.”
“The challenge of competition raises my game.”
“I have amazing an amazing short game.”
“I am a consistent and powerful driver.”
Action Based or Instructional Self-talk
Action based self-talk can be used to remind you of the best actions and behaviors during your rounds. These are typically written in what is called the imperative, command form.
Examples are:
“Commit to every shot.”
“One shot at a time.”
“Be present and relaxed in between shots and focused during shots.”
“Target, Align, Commit and Accept.” (focal points during the shot routine)
“Feel the ground beneath your feet and pay attention to your senses.” (for in between shots)
“Let it go, re-focus and prepare for the next shot.” (In the Post Shot Routine)
“Breathe, slow down and take in what’s around you.” (In between shots)
“Walk mindfully with a tall and confident posture.” (In between shots)
“Light grip pressure and focus on the back of the ball.” (Short game pre shot routine)
“Stick to your process until the holes run out…”
“Act like a champion.”
Motivational Self-talk
If you feel your confidence dipping, anxiety, negative thinking, or you need to raise your intensity level, you will benefit from motivational self-talk. As we discussed in the Post Shot Routine section, the tone of it can slightly firmer if you feel like that works better for you.
Some examples are:
“Let’s go!”
“You can turn this around.”
“Good thing you are a great scrambler!”
“The next shot can be a great shot.”
“This is a great opportunity for you to show your recovery skills.”
“You are a relentless and tough competitor!”
“Fight for every shot until the final putt drops on 18.”
“Play this next shot as if it’s the last one you will ever hit.”
“You are a warrior!”
“You love it being tough like this. Bring it on!”
“Nothing can affect your confidence!”
Reframing Negative Self-talk
If you react to an outcome with negative self-talk, you still have the opportunity to put it right. Here are some examples:
Negative self-talk: “That was such an awful shot!”
Positive re-frame: “Even the world’s best can hit a shot like that.”
Negative self-talk: “You can’t hit a fairway today.”
Positive re-frame: “You don’t have to be perfect. One good drive and you can turn it around”.
Negative self-talk: “Why do I always play badly when it matters most?”
Positive re-frame: “No matter what the result today, be proud that you fought hard and had a good attitude.”
Negative self-talk: “I should have made that putt”.
Positive re-frame: “We all make mistakes. Re-focus and get ready to play the next shot.”
Negative self-talk: “I’ll never be able to compete with all these good players! They’re just way better than I am.”
Positive re-frame: “Take a deep breath and focus on what you can control. With a good mindset and hard work, you will keep improving.”
Negative self-talk: If I keep playing like this, I’m going to shoot a XX.” (high number).”
Positive re-frame: “Even if you do finish with a high score, let use this round to train your attitude for the better instead of complaining and playing the victim. Hit the reset button and finish strong!”
“I” vs “You” in Self Talk
Studies that have been done on self-talk indicate that the use of the “I” and “You” form can make a difference in the effectiveness of self-talk.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that when people were using the “You” form of self-talk to direct their behavior, they performed better under stress and experienced less emotional distress than people who used the “I” form. The conclusion is that when people think of themselves as another (or “second”) person, they create mental distance from what they are doing (or about to do). They feel less anxiety and are able to be more objective (it’s less personal). Also, throughout your life, when you receive instructions on how to do something, you are told in the “you” form. The you form is like your coach or teacher talking to you and guiding you.
On the other hand, although this without scientific proof, the “I” form is probably more effective for positive affirmations.
If you’re interested in further detail on these studies, you can find them in the resources section for this module.
Practicing Self-talk
- Write down some situations that normally elicit self-talk or that self-talk would be helpful to you. E.g., To start your day, before your round, the first tee, during your pre shot routine, after a poor shot or bad hole, being in contention at the end of a round, etc.
- What do you currently say to yourself in those moments and what would you like to say to yourself? What do you say to yourself when you are being successful? For self-talk to be effective you must believe it. It’s no good telling yourself that you’re the world’s best player when you are not. You need to be able to validate what you say. If you are telling yourself “you are the most mentally tough player in the field”, you should have a valid reason for saying that. Write these possible situations out and practice your response to them with your self-talk. Thinking about upcoming obstacles and challenges is not negative – obstacles will always be between you and success, it’s far better to prepare for them so you can respond, instead of reacting.
At the end of this exercise, you will have a list of self-talk scripts which can be used to build confidence and navigate a performance. Score yourself after each round (out of 10) for how effectively you used your self-talk, and you will get better with it over time.
Body Language
Body language is another way to help you reduce the stress response and be confident when you’re under pressure. Research shows that body language changes our chemical balance. When we adopt strong, confident postures (shoulders back, chest out, eyes up), we don’t only show others that we are feeling confident, but we trick our mind into producing feel good chemicals called endorphins. Contrarily, when we are in weaker postures, we tell others and ourselves that we are feeling weak. Our bodies produce more Cortisol, also known as the “stress hormone”.
Author James Clear tells us that a study was done between Harvard and Columbia Universities which had 42 subjects adopt different body postures and afterwards, their hormone levels were tested.
The results showed that those with the more “high-power” postures (standing up, back straight, shoulders back), had much higher levels of testosterone and lower levels of cortisol i.e. those people felt more confident, powerful and less stressed. Conversely, those subjects that adopted “low-power” postures (slumped over, hunched shoulders, looking down etc.), had higher Cortisol levels and felt less confident.
The same thing works for facial expressions. Actors use facial expressions to create feelings within themselves and make a performance more authentic. E.g., Frowning can make you feel concerned and worried by itself. Smiling can immediately lighten your mood and make you feel happier. What do your facial expression say about how you feel on the golf course? Remember to put your “game face” on and look confident!
Use body language to your advantage. Make it part of your performance process to walk and act confidently as it will make you feel that way inside.