Fear
A big part of the pressure equation is fear. You can’t feel pressure without the fear of a negative outcome (losing something), which impacts how you think and feel in the present.
Fear is a normal part of the human experience and it’s not wrong to feel it (for that matter it’s not wrong to feel any emotion). Think of a situation that you fear and immediately a movie will play in your mind and change the way you feel inside.
Why is it that certain things become “fears”?
The mind’s primary role is to keep us safe and away from threats to our survival. Throughout our lives, the mind is conditioned by putting things that could harm us to memory, and it triggers feelings (via the nervous system) when we detect them in our environment or think about them. Fear is designed to protect us.
What do you fear?
Knowing your fears is key to overcoming them. If you don’t know what they are, then you won’t know when they are present and affecting how you feel, think, and behave. Being less affected by your fears starts with some self-discovery. Fear can trigger many different emotions – which can affect our thinking and behaviors – so it’s important to know the source. But before you think about what your fears and triggers are, let’s look at some of the types of fear that golfers face.
Fear of What Others Think
With humans being social creatures, it’s part of our nature to fear what others will think of us. Let’s take the example of public speaking. There is no physical danger to our lives for giving a bad speech, but many people are terrified by it and avoid public speaking at all costs. In fact, surveys often show it among people’s biggest fears. The reason, psychologists believe, is that we fear losing our standing within the “tribe”. I use the word “tribe” because fear of what others think evolved in humans hundreds of thousands of years ago. Not only was the success of the tribe vital to our survival but our place within the tribe was too. Weaker members of the tribe were often excluded from it, making it harder for those individuals to survive. Fear of public speaking and other activities that can expose us socially is our ancient brains at work. We innately want to be seen as being a valued member of the “tribe” (or community) and not risk exclusion by appearing weak. We fear social disapproval and not “being good enough”, which in golf can make us afraid of:
- Poor performances and high scores
- Disappointing parents and coaches
- Judgement from other players or peers
- Not making the team or letting the team down
- Choking when the pressure is on
What also makes this type of fear worse in our modern world is the transparency of our results. For early humans, the tribe was small compared to today’s “social networks”, where for better or worse, our successes and failures can be seen by hundreds, if not thousands of people. I see this type of fear exacerbated more in younger players, but with the increased use of social media among all ages, many of us are conditioned to care more about how we look to others.
Fear of Failure
Fear of failure can come in many forms. Many golfers fear not living up to their “potential”, not achieving their goals or keeping up with their peers. They might have long-term goals they’ve been working towards for years such as playing college golf, breaking a certain score, or winning the club championship. The fear of not achieving that goal when the opportunity arises or not having their best game show up in the big moments, can negatively affect many players.
Your Sources of Fear
Ignoring what you fear doesn’t make it go away. Without knowing what you fear, you won’t be able to confront it and change your approach so you can push through it to the outcome you desire. Answer the following questions to understand your fears better and how they affect you. Pause the audio and return to it once you’ve answered them.
What situations, thoughts or memories can be a trigger of fear before and during your rounds?
What motivates you to face that fear and succeed?
Experience Failure and Learn from It
To be less affected by fear of what people think or failing, let’s return to some of the concepts in Module 1.
For every player that plays this game, there are more failures than there are successes. However, when you cultivate a growth mindset, failure is not seen as a negative, but a key part of the learning process. That said, failing is never fun and usually painful, but to grow, we need to be curious about it.
When you interpret failure as an opportunity for growth, instead of something that highlights your current limitations, the future prospect of it won’t occupy your mind as much. You’ll be able to give more of your mental energy to getting better, your process and doing the things that make you your best performing self.
Experience the pain of failure. Sit with the feeling, without interpreting it. Pain is a great motivator and a great teacher. Without experiencing pain there can be no joy, just like there can be no success without failure, or light without dark. Experiencing pain forces you to make positive changes.
That said, it’s important to distinguish between pain and suffering, as they are not the same thing. Pain is a feeling that we experience in the now. Mental suffering is created from pain, by our interpretations of it which cause worry, regret, complaining and self-pity. Unfortunately, the ancient brain does this automatically telling us negative stories about our experience to further commit it to memory. But it doesn’t help us. As we will discuss later in this module, what you choose to focus on and believe, you become, so the negative feedback loops and stories that create suffering or predict failure need to be interrupted immediately. The negative storyteller is always at the door, but you get to choose whether you open it and allow him in.
When you “fail”, accept that it will be painful, but it will pass and be a great teacher. Be curious instead of judgmental. Ask yourself:
What did I learn from the experience?
What could I have done differently?
How did I deal with the feelings that arose?
Worksheet Exercises
What do you consider failure in your rounds/tournaments? What is the worst that can happen? What is the best that can happen?
What were you thinking before and at the time you’ve failed in the past?
How did failing make you feel? How did you interpret your failure and the feelings that came with it? What did you perceive it said about you and your game?
Is there a better way to deal with failure?