First, let’s distinguish between thoughts and self-talk. As we’ve discussed before, most thoughts occur subconsciously, without our control and many are what would be considered “negative”. Self-talk on the other hand, is something that we choose and is fully within our control. That said, without awareness, self-talk can be an unconscious reaction to undesirable outcomes, uncomfortable feelings or your own negative thoughts. The effect of it can alter mood, lower confidence, and take you further away from your best performing self. It’s one thing to have a negative thought caused by an outcome, but when you verbalize in your head or out loud, it becomes real.
In this section, I’d like to show you how to make your self-talk more proactive (rather than reactive) and use it as a tool to enhance your performance. The skill of self-talk comes in finding the right thing to say to yourself daily and in the pressure moments. Not all self-talk works for all people in all situations. To do this well it requires reflection, intention, and practice.
What story do you tell yourself every day?
What we say to ourselves throughout our days and during our rounds has a big influence on how we feel, how we perform and whether we become who we want to be over time.
After his first major win, Brooks Koepka told the media that he is “a big tournament player”, which could have easily backfired. However, Brooks has clearly been telling himself that he’s a “big tournament player” for some time and has now become that player, winning 3 more majors within 2 years. Do you think that Brooks doesn’t have doubts like the rest of us? Of course he does. But he doesn’t allow himself to listen to them, and instead tells himself about the success he’s going to have.
Negative Self-talk
Negative Self-talk usually occurs after a setback or when you are feeling frustrated or angry. Negative self-talk can motivate some players, but generally speaking it negatively affects confidence, mood and performance. Examples of negative self-talk are:
“That was such a bad shot”.
“You should have made that putt.”
“What a dumb decision that was!”
“You suck!”
“This is going to be a bad round.”
“Maybe you’re just not cut out for this.”
“Why does bad luck always happen to me?”
“You’ve lost your swing.”
“You’re in a slump.”
Choosing Better Self Talk
Step 1: Self-awareness
As with most of the training in this book, the first step to having better self-talk is with awareness. The more aware you are of what you are feeling and thinking, the more agile and selective you can be with your responses. As we’ve already discussed, most of our negative thoughts are just noise and the brain doing its job of highlighting possible threats, they are certainly not worth verbalizing (either in your mind or out loud). By being present to how we feel and what we are placing our attention on as the events of our rounds unfold, we can do a better job of accepting and not reacting with negative self-talk.
Step 2: Decide on Better Self-talk
Self-talk is more effective when it’s decided upon before you use it. Let’s start by taking a look at some of the different types of self-talk which have different uses for different situations you are in or will be facing.
Positive Self-talk
“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” – Muhammad Ali
As with what you visualize for your future, the stories you tell yourself each day will have a big influence on what becomes of your life. If you continually choose to tell yourself about your great qualities and what you are capable of doing, you increase your chances of doing it. That said, positive self-talk will only work if you believe it. A player who is lacking confidence or self-esteem will feel worse if they try to convince themselves how good they are using positive self-talk.
Positive self-talk should speak to your qualities and values, not specific events or outcomes. As you create these “Self-talk Scripts”, think about what gives you the right to say these things to yourself. These positive affirmations can be used daily or as part of your pre round warm up or in between shots. Examples of this would be:
“What a great shot! That’s what I am capable of doing.”
“I have a world class short game”.
“I’ve got this shot.”
“I am mentally tough and can overcome any setback or challenge.”
“I am relentless. I keep pushing hard every day to get better.”
“Nobody will outwork me”.
“I always give 100% and never give up”.
“I have the qualities of a champion”.
“l love pressure”.
“I am confident in my ability.”
“The challenge of competition raises my focus and my game.”
“I am a consistent and powerful driver.”
You can also use self-talk to redirect yourself to your player pledge, such as: “Confidence, Commitment, Class and Persistence”, those values you will uphold in every practice session and round.
Action Based or Neutral Self-talk
“I just told myself to focus and lock in — that’s what I told myself all day. I really did a good job of staying present and focusing as hard as I could on every shot. That’s what golf is — not getting ahead of yourself and just locking in and giving every shot your full attention.” – Patrick Cantlay after winning the BMW Championship in 2021
Sometimes, “being positive” doesn’t work or isn’t required. You might be better off using “action based”, or “neutral” self-talk which can bring your attention to simple actions you can take during each phase of the round i.e., your “Process”. Examples are:
“Commit to the shot.” (In the pre shot routine)
“One shot at a time.” (When thinking ahead)
“Be present…” (At any time)
“Target, Align, Commit and Accept.” (During the shot routine)
“What do you feel right now?” (In between shots)
“Let it go and move on.” (In the post shot routine)
“Breathe, relax and slow down.” (In between shots)
“Walk tall and be confident.” (In between shots)
“Light grip pressure and focus on the back of the ball.” (In the pre shot routine)
Motivational Self-talk
If you find that you need to push yourself or raise your intensity level, you will benefit from motivational self-talk. As we discussed in the Post Shot Routine section, the tone of it can slightly firmer if you feel like that works better for you.
Some examples are:
“Let’s go!”
“You can do this.”
“You can turn this around.”
“You can do better!”
“Good thing you are a great scrambler!”
“The next shot can be a great shot.”
“This is a great opportunity for you to show your recovery skills.”
“Fight for every shot until the final putt drops on 18.”
“Play this next shot as if it’s the last one you will ever hit.”
“You love the conditions being tough like this. Bring it on!”
“Nothing can affect your confidence!”
“I” vs “You” in Self Talk
Studies that have been done on self-talk indicate that the use of the “I”, “You” and your name, can make a difference in the effectiveness of it.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that when people used the “You” or your name form when using self-talk, they performed better under stress than people who used the “I” form. The conclusion is that when people think of themselves as another (or “second”) person, they create mental distance from what they are doing (or about to do). They feel less anxiety and are able to be more objective, as it’s less personal. Also, when you receive instructions on how to do something, you are told in the “you” or your name form. The “you” form is like your coach or teacher talking to you and guiding you.
On the other hand, the “I” form is probably more effective for positive affirmations.
If you’re interested in further detail on these studies, you can find them in the resources section of this module.
Practicing Self-talk
On the Self-talk worksheet or in a notebook, do the following exercise:
- Write down some situations that you believe self-talk would be helpful to you. E.g., To start your day, before your round, on the first tee, during your pre shot routine, after a poor shot or bad hole, etc.
- What do you currently say, or have you previously said in those moments? Now think about what you’d like to say. Think about some of the things you’ve said to yourself when you’ve been successful in the past. Once again, this is where your performance journal entries can be useful. Write these possible situations out and practice your response to them with your self-talk. Remember that you need to be able to validate positive self-talk and believe it, otherwise “neutral” or process based self-talk is better.
At the end of this exercise, you will have a list of self-talk scripts which can be used to build confidence and navigate the challenges of a round of golf. Reflect on your use of self-talk at the end of your rounds (you’ll see it on the Post Round Review template, which we’ll discuss in module 6).